Yo Mamma's So Ugly...
Yo momma's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make cookies.
Yo momma's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo momma's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo momma's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo momma's so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma's so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Yo momma's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo momma's so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma's so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo momma's so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo momma's so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo momma's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma's so ugly the NHL banned her for life
Yo momma's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo momma's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo momma's so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo momma's so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo momma's so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma's so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo Mamma's Stupid...
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Trak Auto is where you get hair weaves for your car.
Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."
Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo momma's so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
Yo momma's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul train.
Yo momma's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo momma's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo momma's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo momma's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
Yo momma's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
Yo momma's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo momma's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease.Yo momma's so stupid, she thought Delt a Airlines was a sorority.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
Yo momma's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.
Yo momma's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
Yo momma's so stupid, she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job.
Yo momma's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo momma's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.
Yo momma's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.
Yo momma's so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
Yo momma's so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
Yo momma's so stupid, she wemt to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911".
Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.
Yo momma's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
Yo Mamma's So Old...
Yo momma's so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Yo momma's so old, she farts out mummy dust.
Yo momma's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.
Yo momma's so old, she sat next to Jesus in third grade.
Yo momma's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo momma's so old & ugly, her name is Ape.
Yo momma's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.
Yo momma's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Yo momma's so old, she watches PBS.
Yo momma's so old, she used to baby-sit Jesus.
Yo momma's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
Yo momma's so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch died.
Yo momma's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Yo momma's so old, she drove a chariot to high school.
Yo momma's so old, she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.
Yo momma's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo momma's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Yo momma's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo momma's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo momma's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo momma's so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo momma's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo momma's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo momma's so old, she baby-sat for Jesus.
Yo momma's so old, her social security number is 1.
Yo momma's so old, her birth-certificate expired.
Yo momma's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo momma's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Yo momma's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
Yo momma's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo momma's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.
Yo momma's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel.
Yo momma's so old, she owes Moses a quarter.
Yo momma's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.
Yo momma's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo momma's so old, when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.
Yo momma's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.
Yo momma's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Yo momma's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park.
Yo momma's so old, her birthday expired.
Yo momma's so old, she has Adam & Eve's autographs.
Yo momma's so old, she co-wrote the ten commandments.
Yo momma's so old, she has an autographed bible.
Yo Mamma's So Hairy...
Yo momma's so hairy, she has afros on her nipples.
Yo momma's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth.
Yo momma's so hairy, she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.
Yo momma's so hairy, her breasts look like coconuts.
Yo momma's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.
Yo momma's so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
Yo momma's so hairy, if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.
Yo momma's so hairy, she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."
Yo momma's chest hair is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.
Yo momma's so hairy, she shaved her ass and she disappeared.
Yo Mamma's So Fat...
Yo momma's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
Yo momma's so fat, when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas
Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
Yo momma's so fat, the whale from Free Willy freed her
Yo momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
Yo momma's so fat, when she bends over we miss 2 days of sunlight
Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
Yo momma's so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
Yo momma's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo momma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo momma's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo momma's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.
Yo momma's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo momma's so fat, when she farts the whole planet came out.
Yo momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo momma's so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo momma's so fat, we're inside her right now.
Yo momma's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo momma's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
Yo momma's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo momma's so fat, if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
Yo momma's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Yo momma's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo momma's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.
Yo momma's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.
Yo mama' so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo momma's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo momma's so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo momma's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo momma's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo momma's so fat, when she works at the movie theatre, she works as the screen.
Yo momma's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo momma's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo momma's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say:
"Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo momma's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo momma's so fat, instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo momma's so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo momma's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo momma's so fat, when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo momma's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo momma's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo momma's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo momma's so fat, her picture takes two frames.
Yo momma's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo momma's so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo momma's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo mamma's so fat her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama so fat, they gave her a pair of high heels and she struck oil
Yo mama so fat, she irons her shirt in the driveway
Yo mama so fat, the last time she wore her Malcom X jacket, a helicopter landed on her
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo Mamma's Like a...
Yo momma's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
Yo momma's like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
Yo momma's like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
Yo momma's like Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.
Yo momma's like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
Yo momma's like a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
Yo momma's like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.
Yo momma's like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
Yo momma's like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
Yo momma's like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
Yo momma's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
Yo momma's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
Yo momma's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
Yo momma's like a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.
Yo momma's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
Yo momma's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
Yo momma's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
Yo momma's like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.
Yo momma's like a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"
Yo momma's like a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.
Yo momma's like a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.
Yo momma's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
Yo momma's like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.
Yo momma's like a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.
Yo momma's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
Yo momma's like a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
Yo momma's like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
Yo momma's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
Yo momma's like a window, always open.
Yo momma's like Denny's... open 24 hours.
Yo momma's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.
Yo momma's like McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.
Yo momma's like McDonalds... What you want is what you get.
Yo momma's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo momma's like the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.
Yo momma's like lettuce, 25 cents a head.
Yo momma's like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Yo momma's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
Yo momma's like Burger King... Your way, right away.
Yo momma's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.
Yo momma's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
Yo momma's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.
Yo momma's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
Yo momma's like a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.
Yo momma's like a fine restaurant, she only takes deliveries in the rear.
Yo momma's like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.
Yo momma's like a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
Yo momma's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
Yo momma's like a library, open to the public.
Yo momma's like a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.
Yo momma's like an ATM, open 24 hours.
Yo momma's like Discover card, she gives cash back.
Yo momma's like a basketball hoop, everybody gets a shot.
Yo momma's like a microwave, one button and she's hot.
Yo momma's like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
Yo momma's like a mail box, open day and night.
Yo momma's like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."
Yo momma's like a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.
Yo momma's like a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.
Yo momma's like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
Yo momma's like a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.
Yo momma's like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
Yo momma's like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter, and she still l comes back for more.
Yo momma's like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
Yo momma's like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
Yo momma's like a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.
Yo momma's like Bazooka Joe, 5 cents a blow.
Yo momma's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
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