daily dogma: the "isms" of truth:
the basic "ism" is a nugget of wisdom expelled by our family, friends,
co-workers, and fellow humans that can guide us on our way to enlightenment. Peace...
Some names have been changed to protect the enlightened...
"Caldwellisms"
"The Ishkabibble Inn"
"Aging Beauty Queens of KYKR"
"Deputy Fatboil"
"Tomisms"
"That's the beauty of the system"...
"'Just such a wonderful person..."
"Can't lose for losing..."
"She's a good waste of D.N.A..."
"The Twitchy"
"You're such a playboy-party, stud-monkey...."
"Mediaisms"
It's about time... Concepts from the news...
Nipple Guard, nipple lock, collar bomb: (bad fashion statements???)
Wardrobe malfunction, broken button syndrome: (Janet Jackson)
Gravitas, pull-n-push: (politics...)
Chicken Hawk, Paper Tiger, cold-knife diplomacy: (political posturing)
Spliff, chronic, 420, haze, minzo, blunt: (Marijuana)
Blodger, blog, blag, noob, noobie-noob: (people still new to internet tech)
Prostitots, Mallers, Mall-bait, Pervo-food, baby sluts, crib-ho's: (Scantly clad teenage girls)
Demo-craps, Republi-cons, Congress Defeats Progress: (Politics)
"Shelleisms"
The Wit and Cranky Wisdom of Shelly Banes, Lake Charles, LA
Buncha' midgets with a head full of stupid! (about Kids...)
A woman is like a teabag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
If they can put one man on the moon, why not put them all?
I am low on Estrogen and I have a GUN.
Why can't men get "Mad Cow Disease"? Because they're pigs!
I'm not having hot flashes... I'm having power surges.
I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is getting better.
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple.
Can I deduct my husband as a child care expense?
Coffee, chocolate, men - some things are just better rich.
Women are not supposed to snore, burp, sweat or pass gas; therefore we must complain or we will BLOW UP!
The bathroom has a "twatty" smell...
"Heatherisms"
Timeless words from her granddad...
You can stand in the garage, but that doesn't make you a Buick. (a reference about good christians and the frequency of church attendence)
You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits! (a reference to the I.Q. of a college grad)
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.....it IS a duck
Beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone
Do you have a plan?
How's THAT working for you?
Good Morning This Morning
Lay down with dogs...get up with fleas.
"Lonisms"
The Wit and Wierd wisdom of Loni Beckham
Why look for conspiracy when stupidity can explain so much?
It's savant day!!! (idiot savant)
"Want in one hand and pee in the other and see which gets full first."
"shiat fire and save matches."
"If wishes were horses then beggers would ride."
"What's for dinner? Wait-and-see pie..."
"If you get arrested doing that crap, don't waste your phone call on me."
Flip-A-Bitch (Make a U-Turn)
"Big Billisms"
Actual Thought's and things from the Legendary Big Bill Johnson
I wanna' bang a Bratz © Doll...
if it's got tits or tires it's gonna give you hell...
nothing good ever came from a sentence that stated with the word "okay"...
He who smelt it, delt it...
most women know better than to date me...
the main reason that women are so angry is that their clothes are too tight and their feet hurt...
I have yet to meet a computer geek who don't like some sort of japanese cartoon...
Women like to travel in packs...
I just got tired of fighting, so I declared myself the winner and left...
People who don't smoke can kiss my ass..
Oslama Bin Laden? Oslama Bin my ass...
[When asked about his truck] My ass hurts...
If I don't kill myself today, this might be a good week...
[his advice to me...] There's gotta' be something wrong with you, otherwise you'd be divorced by now...
If you tell a lie twice, it's still a damn lie...
All the damn time you spent talking about it, it coulda' been done twice by now..
Two wrongs don't make a right, and three rights make a left...
Some folks should be killed 'fer smilin' too much...
'Don't make a damn if it's black or white...
it's all pink in the middle...
Don't piss on my leg and then tell me it's rainin'...
They say that smokin', boozin' and pervertin' will take years off your life... If you're lucky....
If you wake up the next morning, not wearin' the underware you left home in... it might've been a good night...
Sometimes the prettiest bodies are home to the ugliest minds...
What's wrong with the world today is that your damn kids think that they're critters...
There's a lotta' shit out there that's just shit, ya' know?
Lies just make my ass hurt...
"Steeleisms"
~ The late, great PrimeTime Jimmie Steele (Hadden), 1962 - 2004~
Die you Rat bastard!
let me get my can of whoop-ass!
Pig Hooter Mall
Loud like a big dog...
well, shit a pack of Marlboro's...
"Jeanisms"
The Wit and twitchy wisdom of Jean Fulton
Up to my ass in aligators...
Don't lie to momma!
It's a "5" poo-poo juice day!
Old people get to go to the copier first!!!
"Karenisms"
Blown Dead
Sack Sucker
"Amadaisms"
Sent in by her best friend Karen...
Krusty Krabs
AFLAC (the sound of her cough)
Bite Me, AssH***
Where's the John Deer?
How many ways to use a 4 prong cane?
"Markisms"
Mode man!
No I'm not! Oh wait, I am... (burp)
Don't let your hose leak...
"Danaisms"
Astral-Blow
It's My House!
Ghost Poopie
Circle of Suck
I diddled his diddle...
I'll put your balls in a baggie!!!
If you piss in my Wheaties, I'll piss back...
I don't care how you butter that bread, it's still butter...
"Lowellisms"
~ The late, great Uncle Lowell Campbell, 1912 - 1981~
The Gospel Bird!
It ain't and I ain't...
Good Luck and don't let the squirrel take your nuts.
It takes all kinds of fruits, nuts and flakes to make a bowl of cereal.
"Royisms"
~The late, great Uncle Roy Boudreaux, 1949 - 1994~
No good deed goes unpunished.
Tits or tires mean trouble.
Temporary Brain Damage...
Short term stupidity...
Wherever you leak, someone is there to hang a bucket.
Sometimes, is easier to apologize than ask permission...
None are as blind as those who refuse to see.
The Lure of Pootie-Pooh.
"GreyBarisms"
W.T.F.???
Cognitive Science of Daily Crap
My cow don't need your bull!!!
"JimmyRushisms"
~ Many known only to Jimmy Rush ~
Kathead Biscut
He looks like a cow looking at a barbwire fence.
the full pant load
Pin the tail on the Dumb-Ass.
"DeeDeeisms"
~ Many known only to DD ~
Condom
God Turd
Shan-Shan the panda
Banana
Bananaconda
Hamtaro
It's all I don't know.
Pre-Anal Sex
"Shanonisms"
Ass Monkey!
This too, shall pass
It's hard to follow the heart when it's torn and broken too many times, isn't it?
Never lie to the ones you love because truth is more precious than gold with them.
You're ate up with the dumb-ass!
The best laid plans don't always get you laid the way you planned...
"Billisms"
~ Many known only to Billy ~
she is spanktastic
Crappalious
Bull Squirt
Nibble my fender
It's nothing that a broken thumb or two wouldn't cure...
"Mikeisms"
Honkey see, honkey do
Whatthe, whatthe, whatthe...
But what the f*** do I know...
Citizens Raging Against People Vs. Legion Of American Doom [CRAP vs. LOAD]
We'll fight to "his" last breath!
Pillage the women and rape the cattle!!!
It's on like potato salad!!!
I want to pee on it!
I'll beat you like I beat my sausage!!!
He lost weight in seimen...
"Royceisms"
Black and White
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
The voices in my head didn't say anything about that...
If a snake bites you in the ass, you're dead...
ALRIGHT! I'm taking away your MAN CARD!
The chicken dance is a medical condition...
"Cliffisms"
The SlapaHo Tribe
Wall to wall ugly
Ho Train
Winner of the "Dead-Ass" Award
Who you gonna' please with that???
"Kevinisms"
Bite me!
It went BOOM!!!
"Suzannisms"
Well, shit...
"Jamieisms"
Bull Shirt!
N.M.J. - Not My Job!
N.M.P. - not My Problem!
Don't be so wrong.
"PenGwenisms"
~ That would be Pen Laurence Nyguen, known to his friends as Pen-Gwen ~
Watupfoo?
less talk, more go!
dumb ass, neckred!
shit, you shit-shit!
two words: eat and me!
flowers stink good
"Jesseisms"
DAMN, EGG-MAC-MUF-FIN!!!
The Nap Demon
Took a page from the Encylopedia Moronica.
It's all about perception.
Grey Areas
Actions speak louder than words.
Glance, and move on...
Everybody needs hobbies.
Honest hearts suffer most.
Winkie-winkie-water-milk.
Handcuffs and Duct Tape.
Beautiful El Rancho Ghetto.
Synchomapping [Random Timing]
Transdues Egris Shiznit!!! [Quickly exit From Shit]
Northwest Corner of my Brain.
That Fool got paid!
Pooh-Juice
I'm most likely to die from something stupid...
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