"Visitor's Guide to Houston"

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Hugh-stun not Howstun.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own 
version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a 
dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. They all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610... which has no beginning 
and no end. 

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 
3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out 
and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to 
five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any 
cross-traffic's way.

7. Kuykendahl Road can only be pronounced by a native.

8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59, Loop 610 is a way of life and a 
permanent form of entertainment. 

9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in 
Pasadena!!"

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory 
defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right of way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is 
considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is not ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, 
"Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone ...people 
are not waving when they go by.

16. The Sam Houston Toll Road is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.