Things you would never know without the movies.

- During all police investigations, it will be
necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak
English to each other.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take
cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any
time of year.

- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which
reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the
waist level on the man lying beside her.

- The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his
star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the
job.

- All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French
Bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there
is someone to talk you down.

- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you
in there and you can travel to any other part of the
building undetected.

- Police departments give their officers personality
tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a
partner who is their polar opposite.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in
Paris.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices
with large red readouts so you know exactly when they
are going to go off.

- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have
more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any
before now.

- You are very likely to survive any battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a
picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language
- a German accent will do.

- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural
disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern
will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art
exhibition.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to
clean his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as
you take out a bill; just grab one at random and hand
it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a
kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and
use that light instead.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should
investigate any strange noises in their most revealing
underwear.

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for
their family every morning even though their husband
and children never have time to eat it.

- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

- All telephone numbers in America begin with the
digits 555.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of RFK stadium.

- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt
upright and pant.

- It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when
beginning or ending phone conversations.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it
is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the
building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in
a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will
patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the
head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain
damage.

- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking,
explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will
ever go into shock.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even
while scuba diving.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper
clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning
building with a child trapped inside.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story
that affects you personally at the precise moment that
it is aired.