~~~ The Techno Terms Dictionary ~~~
486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC. 
STATE-OF-THE-ART - Any computer you can't afford. 
OBSOLETE - Any computer you own.
MICROSECOND - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to
become obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than
the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."
SYNTAX ERROR - Walking into a computer store and saying "Hi, I want to
buy a computer and money is no object." 
HARD DRIVE - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
(pronounced "gooey")
KEYBOARD - The standard way to generate computer errors. 
MOUSE - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
FLOPPY - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
DISK CRASH - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
POWER USER - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. 
SYSTEM UPDATE - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS.... 
Backup......... What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bar Code....... Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.
Bug............ The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte........... What your pitbull dun to cusin Jethro.
Cache.......... Needed when you run out of food stamps.
Chip........... Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal....... Time to call the undertaker.
Crash.......... When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital........ The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette....... Female Disco dancer. 
Fax............ What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker......... Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy....... Picture looked at when selecting tatoos.
Internet....... Where cafeteria workers put thier hair.
Keyboard....... Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac............ Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz...... How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem.......... What ya do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad...... Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network........ Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
Online......... Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
ROM............ Where the pope lives. 
Screen......... Helps keep the skeeters off the porch. 
Serial Port.... A red wine you drink with breakfast. 
Superconductor... Amtrak's Employee of the year. 
SCSI........... What you call your week-old underwear